Blarg!

Bill's blog. Writing, guitars, gratuitous Simpsons references, you'll find i​t all here. Almost certainly a waste of time for both you and the author. On the internet, that's actually a plus.

"Top 5 Affectations Every Writer Should Adopt" at Writer Unboxed

Check out my debut column for Writer Unboxed, in which I discuss the most effective ways to make yourself stand out like a Roman candle in a parlor full of Flameless Candles.

Dress to impress. Don a T-shirt commemorating an author whose image you want to portray (Hemingway–I’m a tough guy with a sensitive side and a drinking problem; James Joyce–I like to tell people I read James Joyce. I am also a drunk). Gentlemen, catch her eye by sporting…well, a sport coat, the kind with those swanky elbow patches. Ladies, try on some big librarian glasses. Hold your hair in a bun with a number two pencil, then whip it loose like you’re in an ‘80s music video. To make sure he sees you, do this every fifteen minutes. Both sexes may accessorize with berets, scarves, or pipes–but never more than one. You don’t want to look like you’re trying too hard.

Of course, the best way to stand out is to write a good book. I don't mean you, your novel is fantastic. I meant those other folks.

Hacks for Hacks: Top 5 Affectations Every Writer Should Adopt