My new column is up today for all you procrastinators who have to turn something in Monday: Top 8 excuses for when you’re about to blow a deadline. Look for great gems like these:
Food poisoning (20 points): Alcohol is a food, kinda, so you’re not even really lying.
There’s an alligator sitting right next to your car, in which you left your laptop (30 points): This excuse is only valid only in Louisiana and Mississippi. In Florida, you’d be expected to wrestle it.
The flu (50 points): Illness-related excuses worked better in the typewriter-and-snail-mail era, when clients feared you might send them an envelope full of germs. Give this excuse a modern spin by using the face-with-thermometer emoji when you text your client the news.