New column at Writer Unboxed: Everyday Activities that Definitely Count as Writing

Check out my new column at Writer Unboxed: Everyday Activities that Definitely Count as Writing.

photo by Mark Hunter

A lot of your daily tasks are perfectly valid parts of the writing process. Don’t believe me? Let’s review a few everyday tasks that totally count as writing time.

Prewriting

Outline. Create a roadmap of where you want your story to go.

Research. Such a broad category, it could encompass pretty much anything, from reading up on medieval weaving techniques to eating a 2 a.m. snack that your stomach will regret come morning.

Sit on the couch drinking cocktails all day, fighting off the ennui. This is kind of a writing stereotype, so don’t be afraid to change things up by embracing the ennui.

Go read the whole thing, why don’t you?

New column at Writer Unboxed: Pens, Ranked

Perhaps the most controversial article I've ever written: a definitive ranking of pens.

10. Pilot Precise V7. I have one of these in my pocket at all times. Versatile and affordable, the V7 is perfect for everything from a novel to a grocery list. Don’t take it on an airplane, however, as the differences in altitude and cabin pressure will cause some leakage. As long as you’re on solid ground, though, the Pilot V7 will remain a trusty friend your whole life long.

9. The fancy pen you got as a graduation gift. Doesn’t it look nice on your desk? Don’t you feel like an author just looking at it? These are stylish, and will never run out of ink because you can’t bring yourself to actually use it.

8. The pen you swiped from work. Why buy a box of pens for ten bucks when you can get the same model that your boss overpaid for, for free? Didn’t get that promotion? Then by God, you can recoup your lost salary one ink pen at a time.

Pens, Ranked via Writer Unboxed

New Column at Writer Unboxed: The Hack’s Guide to Narrating Audiobooks

photo by Anthony Storo

The surging popularity of audiobooks, combined with the fact that every artsy dilettante already has a USB microphone from their failed attempt to start a podcast, has made the role of audiobook narrator one of the most coveted jobs in literature. My column will show you how to be a narrator. Maybe even a good one. Emphasis on maybe.

The Hack’s Guide to Narrating Audiobooks

New column at Writer Unboxed: The Hack's Guide to Killing Your Darlings

photo by Henry Söderlund

My new column is up at Writer Unboxed, and I unpack the classic writing advice, "Kill your darlings." Read your work until you find a spot where your writing really jumps out at you. Does it inspire and spark joy? Welp, that’s a darling, and it's time to murder that sucker.

You may be tempted to say that I’m deliberately misunderstanding the meaning of “Kill your darlings” just to be a contrarian jerk. Buddy, the spirit of the law was the first darling I killed.

The Hack’s Guide to Killing Your Darlings

New column at Writer Unboxed: The Hack's Guide to Writing an Outline

photo by Rex Dingler

My new column at Writer Unboxed is up today. It’s called “The Hack's Guide to Writing an Outline,” and features great advice like this:

Some people think of an outline as an instruction manual for writing your book. I like to think of an outline as the literary equivalent of the people in your life who enable your writing career while you take them for granted and give them very little in return.

Read the whole thing here.

Here's a link to a bunch of my columns that I did not mention on my blog for no good reason

It’s been a busy summer, and nothing has paid the price of my full calendar more than this very website. I’ve published several of my “Hacks for Hacks” columns at Writer Unboxed since my last blog update, and rather than feel guilty about it for one second longer, I’m gonna go ahead and link to them here.

• The Five Mistakes that Caused Me to Not Write My Column This Month

• The Hack’s Guide to Buying a Writing Desk

• The Hack’s Guide to Paying it Forward

• The Hack’s Guide to Writing Serial Fiction

Check them out and enjoy!

New column: The Definitive Packing List for Authors

Photo by Lisa Iaboni

Are you a writer going on a trip? I've got a list of what you need to pack. Read my column, The Definitive Packing List for Authors, at Writer Unboxed dot com. Here are a couple items:

• Your preferred e-reading device. You can fit an entire library into your pocket. By keeping the book you’re currently reading on your Kindle, you can save room for the hardback editions of Ulysses, Infinite Jest, and a bunch of other classics you want people to think you’re reading.

• A notebook and pens. I recommend buying a new notebook specifically for this trip. It will make it feel more like a special occasion. Make sure to get something that will look good in the Smithsonian when they create the exhibit on how you wrote your masterpiece on this trip. The main thing is that you set lofty goals for your trip to keep yourself motivated, and that you feel like a failure if you don’t meet them.

• Your laptop. Duh, you’ll need it for writing. The fact that 60% of that writing will be updates to your various social media accounts should not deter you.

You can go read the whole thing here.

Read my new column, "Beyond the Coffee Shop: Great Places to Write Away From Home"

Photo by Frank Denardo

New column today! Read it! It's called, "Beyond the Coffee Shop: Great Places to Write Away From Home" Here's an excerpt:

Room 19 at the Park Plaza Motel in South Sioux City, Nebraska: The TV doesn’t work, so you won’t have distractions. There’s no room service, so you won’t be tempted to eat loads of junk food. The place isn’t on the map, isn’t in the phone book, isn’t supposed to even exist anymore, so you won’t get any interruptions. You can’t remember how you got here, so that means you must’ve been really absorbed in your work. There’s a nameless dread in the pit of your stomach, which you hope means you’re on the verge of a breakthrough in your story.

There’s a knock at the door, which spells out your True Name in Morse code.

That means it’s time.

Go read the whole thing here.

New Writer Unboxed column: Top 8 excuses for when you’re about to blow a deadline

My new column is up today for all you procrastinators who have to turn something in Monday: Top 8 excuses for when you’re about to blow a deadline. Look for great gems like these:

photo by Dan4th Nicholas

Food poisoning (20 points): Alcohol is a food, kinda, so you’re not even really lying.

There’s an alligator sitting right next to your car, in which you left your laptop (30 points): This excuse is only valid only in Louisiana and Mississippi. In Florida, you’d be expected to wrestle it.

The flu (50 points): Illness-related excuses worked better in the typewriter-and-snail-mail era, when clients feared you might send them an envelope full of germs. Give this excuse a modern spin by using the face-with-thermometer emoji when you text your client the news.

Go read the whole thing here.