Bill's blog. Writing, guitars, gratuitous Simpsons references, you'll find it all here. Almost certainly a waste of time for both you and the author. On the internet, that's actually a plus.
photo by Xavier Badosa
My new column is up at Writer Unboxed: "Bob Dylan’s Nobel-Prize Worthy Advice to Writers."
“When I start writing a song, I like to put together a real detailed outline first. Then I hand it over to some freelancers I know from the advertising business, and they hash out the chords and the lyrics while I cruise down to the club for a quick nine holes. Much more efficient this way. Production is up 23% this quarter. The market needs product, man. Gotta feed the beast.”
I'll be reading my short story, "My Enemy, the Unicorn" at Capclave in Washington, DC on Friday, October 7 at 5 pm. It's part of the Unidentified Funny Objects Launch Party. Come see me and a bunch of other funny authors read their work.
While you're at it, maybe buy a copy of the UFO 5 anthology.
Check out my new column at Writer Unboxed, Killer Apps for Writers. I had a lot of fun writing this one. Here's an excerpt:
Something Just Came Up: Once per week, you’ll have to work on your manuscript at the same time as an event scheduled in your Google calendar. Prove your dedication to the craft by skipping a meeting at work, or by missing your kid score a goal in soccer while your eyes were focused on your laptop. Even more insidious: Each word you type on holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries counts double, so it’ll be REALLY tempting to write during those. If you fail to meet your session goal, you’ll receive a calendar invitation ominously titled “FUNERAL FOR THE DILETTANTE” scheduled for exactly one week later. You will try to RSVP “no,” but will find you cannot.
Pop Quiz, Hotshot!: This Android and iPhone app will surprise you once a day by demanding you write 250 words. The good news: You have a whole hour to do this. The bad news: You’ll get locked out of your phone if you fail.
Go read the whole thing, why don't you?
Killer Apps for Writers via WriterUnboxed
Hey! I sold a short story to the sci-fi/fantasy humor anthology Unidentified Funny Objects. The story in question is called "My Enemy, the Unicorn."
Read More
Photo by David Merrett
Here's an excerpt:
You’ve tried everything—publishing, self-publishing, vanity publishing, e-publishing, third-person publishing—but you just can’t achieve the breakthrough success you’ve always desired. No mere mortal can climb Slush Mountain of their own accord; you must become something more. You must encase yourself in a foolscap chrysalis and emerge even better than your best self. You must summon all your creative power, all your skill, all your life experience to give life to—then take it from—the greatest literary mind of the twenty-first century: yourself.
Boost Your Writing Career by Faking Your Death via Writer Unboxed
Photo credit: Petteri Sulonen
This month, I tackle impostor syndrome. It's something that people in lots of careers experience, not just writers. Here's a quick excerpt:
Impostor syndrome is like an earworm; it gets stuck in your head till it drives you crazy, and the easiest way to get rid of it is to give it to somebody else. Mention to a friend how similar their novel is to one of your favorites, the one that everybody has read and is now sick of. Point out how the magazine that published their latest short story is going under because their terrible stories made their subscribers set themselves on fire.
I'm gonna walk you through the process of setting up a do-it-yourself writing retreat on the cheap.
Photo by Les Haines
The hot topic on Twitter among writers this week was whether you had to go to a fancy workshop like Clarion in order to call yourself a "real writer." In my column, I weigh in with some Very Serious answers on this Very Serious topic.
This week, the illustrious Neil Gaiman tweeted an endorsement of the Clarion Writer’s Workshop, a pricey, six-week writing retreat in California:
https://t.co/KxqDo9CY9y is where you apply to go to Clarion. If you want to be a writer, you want to go to Clarion, NEED to go to Clarion.
— Neil Gaiman (@neilhimself) January 15, 2016
Whoa, wait a minute! Did he mean “need” in the same sense that we need oxygen to breathe?
The answer is yes, that’s exactly what he meant, and if you don’t have six weeks and a few thousand bucks to spare, there’s no daily word count that will save you, poseur.
This revelation ignited a firestorm among the common rabble. Many writers argued that Famous Author Neil Gaiman had forgotten that not everybody goes to bed with a rock star on top of a pile of money, and that many writers have various personal and financial obstacles preventing them from attending such programs—obstacles that Gaiman works tirelessly from the shadows to keep in place. Tough job market? Rising child-care costs? Debilitating disease? If you knew how much power and influence he and his fellow Real Writers have over your day-to-day lives, you’d never pick up another book again.
Are You a Real Writer? at Writer Unboxed
I'll be at Illogicon this weekend in Durham, NC January 8-10. Come on down to the and hear me say something dumb. This year, I'll once again moderate the "The Sporting Geek" panel about where sports fandom and geeky fandom collide (see below for full descriptions). I'll also be a panelist on the "Writing Stand-Out Superheroes" session. As per usual, I'll be paneling with some pretty smart folks, so it'll definitely be worth your while.
Writing Stand-Out Superheroes - 10-11 am
I don't have a description for this session, but it's pretty much what it sounds like.
Read my latest Hacks for Hacks column at Writer Unboxed, "The Dumbest Mistakes New Authors Make." Here's a Costco-sized free sample:
Beginning in the wrong place. A lot of newbies have perfectly good stories, but don’t start them in the right place. Where’s the right place? I recommend you begin writing in a nice coffee shop so everybody can see what a busy and creative author you are. It’s the perfect atmosphere to pen the 10,000-word prologue about your protagonist’s great-great-grandparents.
Not knowing your audience. If you want to please readers, you’ve got to do your homework. Get to know your readers by approaching strangers in bookstores. “Hey!” you’ll say in a loud, cheery voice. “I see you’re perusing the erotica section! I myself am working on an erotica novel! Can I run some ideas by you? No need to get the manager, this is market research!” When the security guards inevitably show up, pick the officers’ brains about what they look for in a police procedural.